Maybe..Its me...

Most probably the last post for this month... SO... Gonna make me worthwhile....

Its been i guess a 2 weeks? a week since i blogged.. well, i ain't no veteran and i ain't a full time blogger so what the heck... > <''

In the midstof my exams and all.. Actually at first i thought to myself.. Pfft, you're gonna fail again you dumb sucker!!! But well, it seems i might not! The lectures and lessons by my teachers actually stick in my head and i'm actually writing it out.. Im not saying that im going to get all A's but i think its safe to say that i think.. THINK i might pass all my subjects..( i failed 3 out of5 subjects in the previous exam, yeah its bad)
Studying a bit, doing family stuff, waking up for school early! now that is a big different.. started going to school on time already.. Thats pretty awesome!!!!! My life has been a real blessing. Honest speaking... Settled pretty well into the Sri Petaling Cell Group.. Integrated well into the varsity ministry.. But thats just a half of it....

What if im the problem? All my life i thought that i help people and physical i do.... But, what if what i do just make everything worst? In life, i have helped a lot of people willingly without 2nd thoughts on if its going to benefit me? or am i going to get something out of it? No.. i never thought that way...But maybe its because whatever i do, just makes things worst... I had my fair share of dating, claiming to myself that i can give them a better life.... But all im doing is make their life miserable....

I tried motivating and giving advice to a number of people.. Some actually worked and i do walk with them to make sure they are okay.. Especially when it comes to relationship and friendship problems.. Don't know why... they think im a love guru or something i guess... ><'''' Anyways.... Yeah... just today i ask this question to myself in the morning... Am i really helping? I feel like im just sucking their life away with false hopes and positive vibes that has no happiness at the end... True, sometimes i get depressed as well.. but cause im a happy go lucky bloke..But what if i try but nothing happens?? Instead it makes it worst....

Thats what happened this morning whereby i tried.. and i failed... miserably.....

Really confused and i got a history test to study for.. Friday im going for a camp.. hopefully i bring back some pics ei? TIll then..

Au revoir!!!



Words of an epic failed carrot

An angel in my life

Wandering in the wilderness without a cause,
Going in circles around the desert,
Climbing mountain and hills as i go,
With a cause maybe? I don't know.

Things that happen in my life,
Pains and smiles all alike,
I could never find the pathway laid,
Right in front of me as a little kid.

As a kid at 7 to 12,
Run around the school thinking its my own,
Making the rules and regulations as I go,
But a goal in life? haha, no no..

Pre teen life 13 to 15,
Life is great with tons of things,
New and different stuff i learnt and experienced,
Found a friend that i was never expected.

This period of time was the downhill,
One way trip to nothing but hell,
Hate this part of life though opportunities sprung,
Thank God my friend was there all along.

Now the wind that blows through the trees,
Present day is filled with bliss,
I found my way, my path and my cause,
Thanks to the angel that was sent from above.

The angel has been there all along,
God has placed her there but i never knew,
This beautiful angel disguised as a friend,
Came to my rescue and brought happiness in my life again.

I will never trade you,
Not even for the world,
The things we have shared and talked about are too hard to let go,
That why i say thank you, I will never let go...


Im bad in poetry or what crude,
Just typing whatever that came into my heart,
Don't judge and critique cause its not a that great,
Its not for you,
Its just an expression of words

Why is it so hard?!?!?!

Some things in life are easily forgotten, some are easily replaced,  some are easily ignored, but some are hard to erase.... seriously.. it is..

As teenager now 18 years of age i have come across so many things.... Memories of my grandpa forever in my head, the stupid friends that would result to nothing good that are easily forgotten, things that i use in my daily life always being replaced cause im so darn clumsy.... Idiots that really get to my nerve that i would just ignore... But...

Why is these things so hard to forget?? Why is it that it haunts my memories and thoughts of the things i've done that i regret, the pain i felt when it happened, the blood that oozes out of my heart when it gets stabbed? why? why? Can't it be resolved in proper manner? was it something i did? something i said? WHAT IS IT!?!?!?!?!

This pain i felt just the beginning of the year,was a resultant of my own carelessness, my tendency of helping someone in my need, to take care of both my 'bro' and 'whatsherface'. During that time, the only 2 people that i would fight tooth and nail to keep them safe.. what happened?? betrayal, deceit, corruption... Death....

All my principles, my dignity, my honour... Gone just like that.. What did i do to deserve this?? Most said it wasn't you fault, some said i was being too nice... But in the end i know..

I WAS BEING ME.....

The personality and character of  mine that is easily used and stepped on... Used to reach their main priority, their holy grail... Love, Power, Positions, Fame, Popularity.... Its all just a game.. My emotions, my hard work and toil, all forgotten...

This pain, is still felt deep inside my heart, the video clip is pops up in my visual once in awhile.. The agony that i go through...No one can imagine...

I would really thank god for the people in my life now, that treats me the way that everyone should treat each other, as brothers and sisters.... My church, my CG, my bunny.. they are the ones that truly understand how i feel, i really want to thank them for all the nonsense they put up with me... thank you for being there....

I just needed to get it out of my system.. ehhehe been bothering me for a whole long time!!!  hehehe 

10.25 pm GMT 8+

Even though we are deceived, still believe. Though we are betrayed, still forgive. Love completely even those who hate you. 
Sun Myung Moon

“What irritated me most in that entire situation was the fact that I
wasn’t feeling humiliated, or annoyed, or even fooled. Betrayal was
what I felt, my heart broken not just by a guy I was in love with, but
also by, as I once believed, a true friend.” 
― Danka V., The Unchosen Life

Miracles, Supernatural, Or is it?

I BELIEVE IN MIRACLES,WHERE YOU FROM, YOU SEXY THING?

People in general of all nationality, race, religion, colour,tribe and everything else in between would believe in miracles... It can come in so many thousand ways!!!!! Gosh, how tell if its a miracle orh.... >_<'''  It could be to some that healing of ones sickness is a miracle..To some even getting bread on the table is already a miracle.. Well, I'm not saying its wrong.... Different background contradicts to many different lifestyles and therefore the word miracle is commonly used...

WHAT IS A MIRACLE!?!!??!! SOMEONE TELL ME!!!!

I'm not in the position to say, this is a miracle... That is a miracle.... or whatever... All i can say is what i think it is...

Everything around is a miracle.. Yes EVERYTHING.. Okay not everything.. (think positive people)

Most people think that a miracle is something out of the ordinary.... Or God helping you in a situation...
Miracle is your everyday life.. and God is constantly helping you.. You just don't know it...

It took me awhile to finally understand this definition of a miracle.... I would constantly pray and ask God, ' GOD, WHERE'S MY FLASH OF LIGHTNING!!! WHERE'S MY MIRACLE!!!!'

Well, he answered alright... 

DUDE, You are the miracle, everything around is a miracle, waking up every morning being awake is a miracle, studying is a miracle, you being sane is a miracle, I AM A MIRACLE....

DAAYYUUMMM!!!! That was a slap in my face.. Knowing all that i've been doing is a miracle... All the witnessing.. the praying, the helping.. the obsessive eating!!!! Even helping out in a summer camp or working is already a miracle....  Doesn't mean that it ain't a supernatural out of the ordinary thing, but it still is a miracle.

God has revealed to me another miracle that happened in my life.. No it wasnt to me... People miracles aren't only to you.. its the people around you.. I met this friend when i was erm 15? His name is David.... He works in church and has an incurable disease.. Yeap, its HIV/AIDs.... But after so many years, he repented and now is serving the Lord. If you just hear his testimonies, that is a miracle...All these years still alive and well? And the fact that he accepted his condition but doesnt care.. He still takes life like any ordinary person. That one day few weeks ago during a seminar, i saw him going up to be prayed for, i cried..I just cried and declared that the miracles around me are beyond imagination....

Miracles can be because of a person? Yes.. I met this friend almost 6 years ago on facebook... Every year we would plan the things we would when she gets back. :) But every year, we always had difficulties and she would be unable to return.. I thought it was a forgotten dream.. But then this year, she said she was coming back!!! i was overjoyed!!!!! I was ecstatic!! It couldn't be anymore clearer that this is a miracle that God has shown to me that, I can do everything when there is no hope anywhere else... We had an unforgettable time together before she left.. I was thankful for all the things he has done for me....

revealing himself to me as a kid that made me accept Christ, the great times i had in my high school, the people i meet everywhere and in any circumstances, the responsibilities that are bestowed upon me, the time where he brought an angel to pull me out of that dark hole that i fell into many months back.... He gave me a reason to believe that everyday is a miracle... It doesn't matter if its a good day or bad day...

So for those who are yet to find their miracle, let me tell you this.. You being there right now, yes you, the one reading this blog... You are a miracle, cause in someone's life, you mean the world and you are a miracle to them... And you are a miracle to yourself... Cause if it wasn't for yourself, you would never have the willpower to still be alive until now.. Now that you gotta admit thats true!!!!

So yeah, doesn't mean the coffee in your cup doesn't part like the red sea, or the sun and moon doesn't stop when you ask them to, or no burning bush that doesn't reduce to ashes doesn't come, doesn't mean that you have never experience a miracle...

Falling in love, is a miracle... Being with the one that you love, is a miracle because God gave you the heart to fall in love not by aspects of beauty but deeper within.. See? everyone has a miracle.. Even me, be it be spiritual, physical, emotional... God has worked wonders in everyone's life!! Its just the matter of how positive minded you are to see the wonders that constantly happen in your life.. Just because it ain't supernatural doesn't mean it isn't a miracle..

Sleeping is a great miracle for instance.. XD

mi ange', this is for you....

Amen

“The way I figure it, everyone gets a miracle. Like, I will probably never be struck by lightening, or win a Nobel Prize, or become the dictator of a small nation in the Pacific Islands, or contract terminal ear cancer, or spontaneously combust. But if you consider all the unlikely things together, at least one of them will probably happen to each of us. I could have seen it rain frogs. I could have stepped foot on Mars. I could have been eaten by a whale. I could have married the Queen of England or survived months at sea. But my miracle was different. My miracle was this: out of all the houses in all the subdivisions in all of Florida, I ended up living next door to Margo Roth Spiegelman.” 
― John Green, Paper Towns


Margo Roth Spiegelman is a characterin his book if you guys were wondering... ><'' see? thats a miracle to him.. ;)

Il DIVO!!!!!!!! WOOT WOOT!!!!

Hmm... Nothing really much to say i guess... But i usually once i start ranting everything comes out i guess... OMG I KNOW!!!!! Recently i started to dig up the stuff of my past in my head. My childhood, my gramps, my studies, relationships, blah blah blah....

And then it hit me, hmmm... Il Divo... IL DIVO!!!!!!!!

Started screaming like a little girl in my head and quickly searched it up... Started to hear them again.. 

Ah.....
.....
.....

The beautiful spanish guitar in the background, the drumming of the drummer, the enchanting music that comes out.. just electrifying!!! 
.....
....
Then it comes, the voice of angels came out in harmony!!! Well, they aren't real angels but sure sound like angels on earth!!!!

These four men..  

French pop singer Sebastien  Izambard,  
Spanish baritone Carlos Marin, 
American tenor David Miller,
and Swiss tenor Urs Buhler

They are Il Divo.....

Il Divo in english mean Divine Male Performers.. Well, they truly matched the description.. :D

I remember as a kid my dad would take the CD called 'Il Divo' and put in the CD player and this harmonious mix of music plays in the air... Today i again brought out that old cd and played on my laptop, plugged my earphones on, and close my eyes...

Songs liek Regresa Mi, The Man You Love, Mama, and Everytime I Look At You started playing with the symphonious and beautiful orchestra filling my eardrums..

The spanish seductive words....The meaningful english lyrics... All four of their voices syncing together making a beautiful sound beyond comparison....

These songs are what i call songs.... Comparing to the songs today that only talks about Sex, Drugs and the physical aspect of beauty.. Using indecent words and vulgarities.. Don't get me wrong!! Some songs are music to my ears as well.... But then, this songs that they sing... The covers they sing such as Hero by Mariah Carey and even collaboration with Celine Dion in I Believe in You. Just speaks about unimaginable beauty..
...
The beauty within ones soul
About hope
About loyalty
About love
About life
About fantasies beyond your wildest dreams.......

Here are some pictures of the divine quartet!!!

                     Il Divos ANCORA album

Look at them handsome looking angels! (they ain't devils)

     How gargantuan these 4 extraordinary men are.... Divine INDEED

Well, thats all I have for today i guess...The words that i read from her..*you such a fan boy*

HAHAHA....

I guess i am.. :) next one I have planned would be again about something spiritual again.... 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN MIRACLES??

If u have never encountered them, well maybe its cause you didn't know it was there all along.....

Thats for another time.. 

Adiós y te amo!!!!!!!

OH and here's a video to give you a sneak peek on how awesome they are!

                                   IL DIVO LIVE IN BARCELONA

Finding my holy place again..

    Hmm... Lets see.. how do i start this.... When i was younger i lived as you can say a very carefree life.. All has been decided and prepared for me. I know its a sensitive issue to some but to me, its the best thing to talk about.. 

When i was younger and stayed at my grandparents place, i constantly follow the Chinese tradition of prayers. I didn't know what it actually meant but i just did it cause my grandpa was my role model.No one asked me about my religion and no one asked what cause do i serve.. As i grew up through my childhood to primary, the word RELIGION, never really bothered me at all.. Not on bit. I would say i am a Buddhist without knowing a being a Buddhist mean. all my childhood life, i never bothered asking my grandparents about this. They would just tell me to follow what they say.

Coming to the age of 11, i started to follow my dad to church. My dad has been a Christian every since he was in his teens. So i thought, 'HEY, why not right?' But when i went there, my life started to change in a very dramatic way. I started thinking differently, and started to ponder on questions of life. Why am i here, is there a God and blah blah blah u get the picture... ><''''

At 12 years old, i got saved and was baptised in water and i never looked back since. In camp, they asked to pray for one person we really wanna see become a Christian and the only thing in my head i could think of was my grandpa, Ye Ye. Thats what i called him. His name was Wong Min.... Before he left, he gave his  life to Christ on his death bed..I just cried.... not knowing what to do. But i know he is in a better place...

But recently 2 years back, i've backslidded  badly, although i was a youth leader and christian union president, i no longer feel that fire burning within me... I lost it, was it the things i've done? something i said? i really dont know...There was an emptiness inside my heart and i knew that God has forsaken me. i began doing things i shouldn't do and eventually leaving schoolwith a tainted image, a scared soul, a broken heart..

ANYWHO.... ENOUGH WITH THE HISTORY CLASS....

Fast forward 2 years to the present day, my parents 'encouraged' me to go for this seminar called the 'Glazing of Glory with Bruce Allen'. At first i really didn't see where it was going, but after the 2nd day, i got really excited! This speaker was so humourous, intellectual, and had a child like faith. He has been through so much, and had gone a whole long journey. I was amazed story after story, miracle after miracle. And then, the last day..... *dramatic victorious music*

They had a prayer session, where healing and lives were being touched.. And as people went out there to pray. i stood there in my seat thinking 'gosh, if only i could be in his presence again'. Then.... I saw this good friend of mine from Crisis Home went up to be prayed for... And a flashback came to me on how i met him, how i bonded with his family in the Crisis Home.... images of a younger me appeared and tearsjust start rolling down my cheeks... I could feel the love of God pouring out on me... I was again, filled with something that i cannot imagine to describe... I felt the feeling that was missing for so long.My faith in the Lord begin to grow... Until i felt like the boy i was before, except older and more hungry for Him.

I have found my holy place again in my heart..... :')

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,

That saved a wretch like me,

I once was lost, but now am found,

Was blind but now, I see.... 

Amazing Grace by John Newton

Our 'Group Discussion" with my teacher.. XD

Hmm...... found out that my trials for stpm is in early october.. How exciting.... ><''' oh wells...

Studying form 6 iswaht people say it is,.. It is hard, it is tough and to top it all it is really really REALLY STRESSFUL!!!!!! But not all is bad... One thing i would love to compliment about my form 6 or now should say Pra-University life is none other than..... Its not the subjects, not the school, not the friends, but this one great, awesome, straight forward, critical minded, sharp tilt of a sword teacher of mine, *M.Menon* (not her real name) she's the awesome MUET teacher of mine!!

This specific teacher is not liike any other ordinary teacher.... she's funny, she's kind and fresh, she's tech savvy and she is very in depth to the things which are 'hip'.... There's so much i can say about her but unfortunately, i don't have the words to describe her to you.. You gotta know her to know what i mean.. ;)

ANYWHO.........

Today we had a speaking lesson for MUET and it was the best!!!!! Me and a few of my friends were chosen to model  together with teacher on how a discussion should go and it was hilarious!!!!! It was energetic, it was exciting, it was was was... LEGENDARY...... It was one of the greatest time i ever felt in form 6. I LOVE MY MUET LESSONS......

After class, we had 2 periods free so what we did was me and my bunch of friends offered to stay back to help teacher with some work... Not only did we help teacher, we had a great discussion on about life, form 6, individuals, recent arising problems and so much more!!! I have never met a teacher so knowledgeable and so understanding as my teacher.. She is just indescribable!!! I am thankful that i got a teacher like her.. :) she takes the time to understand her students, she not scared to take risks, she is what people would call and ideal teacher... she makes things fun!!! She shoots us with sarcasm especially my classmate that sits beside me.. well, she shoots me as well.. XD but it makes us happy about ourselves and she actually cares about her students.  She is proud with each students achievements no matter how small it is.. :)

She is the teacher that makes students like us want to learn and strive to do our best.. :)

Well, homeworks piling so i gotta jet! so till the next time i start going le loco??hahaha!!!CIAO!