Im not worth it

Spanning from 2007... Been in and out of relationships. Every one of them turned sour.. But i realised on thing that always happens.. They always found someone else.. Question to myself, am i really such a bad person? Am i really not worth it?

They always said that its not me, its them. Its not me, its the timing, its not me , its the distance. But if i was really worth it, wouldn't they brave through all that? Am i that miserable of a person? That i can't be on the receiving end of affection?

Time, distance, age... Bottom  line : i am not worth it. I am not worth the fight. One by one they move on so quickly. A week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks. While i am over here barely alive, putting on a plastic smile and walking a dead mans walk.

Someone just shoot me already would ya? Its better off if i was dead. That way, everyone's better off in a happier place.

This year... I refuse to let go. I refuse to leave. I refuse to be given excuses... Im tired of hearing them. This year and many more down the road, i'll holding on to the hope... That i one day i can get rid of the distance factor. That i can beat realism. That can beat the odds. That there is such thing as love. Even if it means loving you from afar.

My life moves on, my life continues. I continue to age, i continue going on. But my heart remains the same. And it will continue remaining the same. Battle is lost, time to regroup and win the war. Might've lost hope, reality might've caught up. But i'll will still strive to have my ever after.

P.S. I still love you