Final Bow

I've been working on this blog post for a long time... How to phrase it, how to say it, how go out with dignity and with my head held high knowing what i did was for the sake of my own life... This will be the last time i will blog about this.. Last time i will talk about the pain, the hurt, the love, the fall... No longer would you need to hear this from me anymore.. Since it was after my MUET test anyway so i thought it'd be an appropriate time

One month ago.. I went through the most painful moment of my life... The knife and bullet went straight through my heart.. The pain that i will never forget... Many things have happened.. Many things have been said.. But in the end.. It still ended the same way.. I fought and i persisted.. I held on and I strived.. But everything that has been done has come to no avail...

For this whole week (more or less) i have not been in contact with her... And i did some thinking, wondering, listening, calling... I was wrong.... No matter how much people said i was not at the wrong i still believed that i was.... I live in the environment whereby i'm always at home due to my family responsibilities.. I never hung out with friends, i never went out at night and grab a cup of coffee.. I was me... This therefore made me become clingy.. Attached.. Hooked.. Hung up. Addicted..

After a whole lot of therapy from many good friends, overseas and locally.. I understood... It either not meant to be, or we're just too young.. I hate to admit that whatever that has happened did happened and there's nothing i can do to fix it.. Last night, my friend said something that hurt me real bad.. 'I'm not the kind of girl that likes guys being so damn bloody clingy,  i hate them' She didn't realise until she said it and the next thing that happened was tears stream down my face once more... But it wasn't because of her... Wasn't because of them... It was because of me... I had to change.. I have a life to live.. I have to continue on with life... 'In order for me to be nice was to be cruel' indeed she was cruel with the way she put it, but i understood...

Yes, I am single. Yes, I have own life to live. Yes, it has happened. Yes, i can never take back the words I say. This is my final bow... My final post about this... The last time i will open my book of memories of pain.. If you are reading this, i hope you do. 

My life moves on, that does not mean my heart would.. It will forever be the same until my worst fears come true.. I will still wait. i still love. but I will stop the calling, stop the texting, stop the messaging, stop the me.. I will live my life, i will go out into the world.

If you ever need me... You got my number... If you ever need me, i'm always here.. If you ever think of me, my memories are with you.. you are not alone.. I'll always be here... (listen to this song) 
Farewell my best friend..

See you next year bunny.

P.S I Still Love You

 Carrot

Always - Bon Jovi