Locked in My Dungeon

Here i am again... After a good  6 months of freedom, im locked up in my dungeon once again over some small mistakes that i made which hardly seems lethal in any sort of way.

First was going out to have a drink with my mates which was nearby.
Second was going to study with my friend in my own condo but because i went to fetch him from and back to his place igot in trouble. Now im in this place called 'home' which feels more like a dungeon to many people..

Can't wait to turn 21... 1 year.. 3months.. and counting.... C'mon.........

I Still Care

Whatever that has happened, happened,
Whatever's been said, were said,
The words will forever be stuck in my head,
The pain shall always be remembered,
That doesn't mean i hate you,
Doesn't mean i despise you,

I have every right to though yet i don't,
I have every right to ignore but yet i'm here,
I'm not saying we'll be back to besties,
Not saying we'll be back to 'a thing',
What i'm saying is that i still care....

It won't go back to how it was,
It won't go back to how i felt,
It won't go back to how things were,
It won't go back to the way we think,
But i still care about you,
Not because of pity, not because i'm being nice,
I still care just cause I do...

Songwriting and life anybody??

I found some time to blog for like erm 5 minutes? So imma say something short.

Life is going brilliant at the moment :) exams are erm.. Well im in the midst of exams atm, but anywho, im happy! There's so much to do after exam and so much planned after that too! So im hopin this month pasts as fast as possible!

Also as you all know songwriting has been a thing for me ever since it started in june.. So i have 2-3 songs in progress which i hope does not sound as similar to my old ones. If you say why dont i weite something else asides from songs about love and happy stuff or heartaches, well its cause i write songs based on how i feel. If you suggest to me to write a aong about hate, well, that is nearly impossible for me to do ><'.

ANYWHO... Yeah thats about it from me :) till the next time!!

Carrot out!

Heavy Laden Heart

What is this? 

Why is this heart of mine so heavy?

Slow oldies blaring out of my speaker,

Filling ever inch of my car with sorrow and burden.

Graduating in less than two weeks,

Many memories made there,

Friends that have been bonded,

Happiness that i found.

Knowing i will leave soon hurts,

I now know how it feels like,

Happiness and joy,

The things done will never be forgotten.

I never expected to recover so soon,

But i did and amazin things have happened,

Trips to another world,

Performances i will never forget.

I've come far from where i was,

I've achieved so much from what i was,

I've made many memorable memories,

I've felt so much and more.

Last thing before i drop this aside,

I found something i never expected to find,

Something cray cray and weird,

Yet pleasant and heart warming.

Music was the thing that opened that door,

The laughs and craziness in your eyes opened me up,

The sweet smile and contagiousness of you personality gets me excited,

Performing with you was a magical moment despite what people say.

I enjoyed it... :)

Heavy laden heart in the meadow,

Crying little boy by the seashore,

Teenage emo kid at the park,

A boy called fruitkidd.... Who found love at the most unexpected time and place.

Thanks lil muse... :)

Heavy laden heart thats graduating,

Don't you fret,

A new world is out there awaiting,

And she'll be around..

Go to the exam hall, 

say your last prayers before they come,

Do your best,

And go out with a bang.. :)

End of my time (thanks abunch lil muse)

Its been a long while since i've actually blogged.. Ever since erm.. Vietnam? Hehhe (didnt finish telling about the trip ><') anyways.. My life honestly.. Has been awesome.. So much crude has happened... And its very true when they say that behind every cloud there's a rainbow :)

It all started when i met lil muse. After i was forced to perform i supposedly hit single i guess KITR for guests from Terengganu, this random girl popped up from nowhere and asked to borrow my guitar.. Felt bloody awkward cause i had no ida who this was and why she had the guts to ask.. Anywho.. After the performance i borrowed it to her and wow... She is sick with the guitar man!!!!!! 0.0 played like i know i can never beyond my wildest dream..... Alpha alpha.. Hahah but we called her metallica cause she had this strang enthusiam for metallica when they had a concert next to my school.. After that, i whole lot has changed.

Classes were fun!! Friends are still being the jackasses they are xD, and well i've been hanging out with my junior alpha alpha a whole lot and it really showed me that not everything needs to be so serious.. :) she was crazy.. And i kinda liked that xD it takes a crazy person to get another crazy person started up. And boy did she bring out my crazy.. XD

It was the best experience i had so far in my form 6 life in VI. Although everyone links and gossips that we are together and blah blah (totallly untrue) seriously guys? Get a life.. ><' but i really have enjoyed her company :) and for the fact that i'll be graduating with a bang by doing a duet with her will make it as memorable as it can be :)

Thanks a bunch lil muse ;)

Muse - Madness

Jarrett Wong - Let You Go (Third Original Song)

Jarrett Wong - Let You Go

Hey guys!!! well, this is my third original song!! I've told myself that i would write songs and post them up every month.. so lets see how this goes on ya?? XD This song had quite a lot of mistakes... But well, yeah i re-recorded it one too many times and well i got tired trying to be a perfectionist cause im not.. 

PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK OR A COMMENT ON HOW IT IS!

If you like, share it! If not, well, i dont blame ya.. XD ENJOY!!

My new nickname is fruit kid.. LOLZ..

THANK YOU LIL MUSE

I ran out of things ti blog about which is near impossible... So im gonna blog about a friend of mine i would like to call lil muse.. XD

She's a junior of mine which i actually knew about 2 months ago? But i only started talkin to her regularly 2 weeks ago xD. Anywho.. She is pretty much super awesome.. XD she loves a lot of stuff that really surprises me cause its not what a normal girl would like.

But the one thing that caught my was her love for music.. Honestly telling everyone, i lost that fire, that passion, that boom for music.. Though i wrote songs and record them, i haven't had a new song since last month after coming back from vietnam. I was really empty. But meeting lip muse gave me that spark once more and wow, i have never felt like this before in a long time! I loved the feeling of music richly flowing through my veins!

To add the spark, we brought our electirc guitars to school on wednesday and by golly we really played our hearts out singing to a song that gave nostalgic moments! Simple plan - welcome to my life was the first ever song i sung in public and it really gave the fire inside.

I have a new song now currently in the recording while i have now another song in the making. All thanks to lil muse ;) thanks METALLICA (another name i gave her) xD

Jarrett the carrot

I had no other title so i'm randomly putting a name for it xD

Well life has so far been a drag after coming back from Vietnam. I missthe people, i miss the sights, i miss the ones that i'm close to. And i'm back to the same place where i learnt to well live with. School has been pretty stressful lately and it thanks to mostly to the malay assignment i have. The dillemma i face for 2 separate saturdays in a row is killing me. To go for this friends farewell or that friend. Go for my besties farewell or on duty as a team captain for the red creacent society in the biggest social event of the year. 

My friends have been asses.. Especially one who enjoys nothing but to annoy the hell out of me and honestly, he could give me a heart attack... ><'

Another problem would be the jackasses who aim at me.. Yes, i went to Vietnam, played a couple or original songs and girls like me. Now there are random guys that pop out of nowhere asking me to get lost or back off or saying they don't like me. Let me lay it down for you.. NO I DO NOT LIKE THEM OKAY?? AS FRIENDS BU NOTHING MORE. IT AIN'T MY FAUT THE GIRL YOU MET AT CAMP AND LIKE AT CAMP LIKES ME OKAY?? SO CHILLS... Yeah, i gave a peck on the cheek to a japanese girl, does it mean i'm obsessed and after her? Absolutely not.. She's a dear friend to me and she is very close. Thats all, you guys can't handle it well i'm sorry! I didn't go flirting around, i didn't go and messing with anyone.. So just leave me alone.. Its bad enough that these girls come and i have to tell them i only want to be friends..

Haiz..... Sometimes i feel that if i didn't write songs or played a guitar or sing songs none of these heartbreaks would happen...

Gettig some award thursday so lets hope thursday will brighten the dark cloud which shrouds my life.

Amen..

Kissing In The Rain (2nd Original Song)

Hey Guys!!! So... I've just posted up my 2nd single on youtube couple of weeks ago. I write songs according to how i felt and what i experienced. Sometimes imaginary, sometimes reality. Some songs i write are also based on what i have listened to especially past experiences my besties have gone through.  SO, give it a listen and hopefully tell me what you guys think about it! If you like it, share it with your friends!!! EEEE :DDDD

Kissing In The Rain - Jarrett Wong

Pssst: Forgive the bad quality of the audio and video.. I'm an average singer btw. ><'

Recording Songs

After coming back from vietnam i realised i have been writing songs for a long long time. And up to date i have written 5 song, 4-5 songs away from making an album. But i also realised i am only one person... I can't do recording on my own. 

Thankfully, with a digital camera i have recorded my 2nd video - Kissing in the rain and hopefully it doesn't sound crappy. Digital camera quality is crappy and lets just hope that as i post it up, i don't sound like a total jackass. Will post it up here as well yeah? 

FINALLY ITS TIME - Jarrett Wong

My Turning Point

My life has been such a journey that mamy wouldn't want to go through. The responsibilities, the anguish, pain, nuisance, drama.. Not really worth it. But i must say i do enjoy this part of my life.. :)

I went to Vietnam for a camp which i expect nothing from. But the friends i made, the recgnition given, the funs and laughs, the peace and harmony. I experience many things. I went there with a broken heart, but i came back with a heart made of pure gold. I thought i wasn't worth anything. That no one would appreciate me, no one would even bother about me. But yet, it was all upside down.

I performed a song i wrote and got te recgnition of everyone. I had people asking me to write more, to give an encore, to post videos. No one has ever made me feel the way i felt there. My good good international friends made me feel special and loved. Every single one. Little piggy, mermaid, thunder buddy, julee, quacker, will, bell, panda.. These people turned my life around. :)

No only that. I realised that many people actually like me! The moments i had with so many of these wonderful people who knew how to treasure each other as friends... Many admirers too, just to add to that ;). I got to experience something only people could imagine :) A MIRACLE...

I wish i could call every single one of them one by one and thank them for making my life that much better ;) but for now, i'll just let my heart out here..

Kam en, arigato, terima kasih, thank you.

Hello Vietnam 1

Im still on my bed eventhough its already 12.10pm but i dont give a shit. Gonna blog about my trip to vietnam.. Two words, fking awesome!!!!!!

Me and thunder buddy chi wah went to vietnam as part of the international red cross youth camp we signed up with some youngsters about erm 16? Most of these girls arh well... Immature and dont really know the meanin of punctuality honestly ><' while the teacher is... Gah.. Need say no more...

When we got there we got a room which was pretty runned down but it was better then a tent. Won't say i wasnt disappointed cause the things i brought and prepared where all meant for a campin trip, not a room  ><'. Slept pretty early that night abt 12 ish? But there was a slight problem. We had to pay for that night for the room cause they said it wasnt ijcluded in the camp trip. That was 6.2 milllion dong >< or in american cash it'll be 300usd. We were like fark?!?!?!

Anyways, the next day we had breakfast and me the singaporean and japanese delegates and i have to say i have no idea why i was so shy and didnt try to converse with them. Was it cause they were cute? Maybe.. Oh wells. Nothing much happened after breakfast but asides from meeting the vietnamese volunteers and our awesome liasion officer Will!! Best shit LO ever. Had lunch and when we sat with our contigent, they were complainig about the food cause ofthe beef and pork (halal and religion) me and my friend were looking pissed cause theres no way in hell we are gonna just eat vegetables!!! So we moved on to the international delegation table and there we met Laos and Thailand. Didnt really talk to them much but a least i got to talk to the Laos leader :)

Then afterthat, they wanted to film us and record us coming for the camp for documentation reasons. So we acted to perfection i would say. :D and after that was dinner!!! This is where the party started...

During dinner we sat with japan and singapore. And i thanks to samsun and apple products, the ice have been broken. I got to know these 3 awesome girls ;) still havent talk to the japanese btw. (They are so bloody kawaii!!!) after that we went to play truth or dare beside the mekong river where they served drinks. It was so fun!! One girl bit the wood and licked the table, my friend did the gentleman dance, but they had to play kissing.. ><' i kissed miss pammy on the hand while she gave me a soft peck on the cheek. But the shit part happened when i had to kiss this liasion officers cheek and HE KISSED MY LIPS!!!OMFG?!??!?

Anyways. After that we headed to the lobby and took multiple pictures and then made our way to the hall. I didnt have a guitar but they still asked me to practice anyways. So eventually i went up and sung when you say nothing at all by ronan keating. Hahaha really surprised them i guess cause i dont think they were expecting me a malaysian chinese boy to sing so well. XD after that one song rehearsal everyone got excitd and constantly asking me what song am i gonna do.. I gave a helping hand to singapore as well in their performance. Slept at like 2 am cause me and my senior official went out to buy stuff for the gurls but it was fine.. Okok, i'll continue this story later. XD Stopping at day 2. Will continue next time. Toodles!!

Goodbye Bunny ( I Tried) ..l..

Its not that i didn't try... I tried my best... Tried to still be friends.. Tried to still be the friends we used to be.. Before i left to Vietnam, i still tried one last time.. Yet for some reason, there was this thing i felt that i wasn't needed... That I can't be the friend i used to be.. The rock you needed. The light that shines upon you. I told you i would learn, i told you i wouldn't be the same. But instead you went to extents that really hurt me inside..

Unnecessary actions that you made to distance yourself away from me.. Deactivation, Reactivation, Unfriending? What was that all about? Well, you accomplished whatever you're trying to do.. Congratulations.. I can't even talk to you without the feeling that you wanting to just leave the keyboard and ignore me.. Ignoring me would never solve anything.. Keeping it hanging would make it worse... You could've just ended it and tell me to fuck off.. But instead you rather make me wait like an idiot...

I was a friend without condition, a friend without a clause, a friend who would never ever ever betray you.. But yet you chose the path you did and expect to work it out on your own. Well go ahead... You said i would be the first to leave... Well, looks like you're right... If only you told me properly.. If you just took the dagger and stabbed me... And leave me bleeding out... At least it would end...

Its like i don't even know you anymore. You never hid anything from me.. NEVER.. But now you have a bucket of secrets, lies, discretion.... I would wait if you just tell me to.. I would wait if you just made it clear. I would leave if you told me... I would leave if you just loaded your gun and shot me. All I ever wanted was closure... You never gave it to me..

For so long I have tried, and you never responded instead you pushed me even further.... The question is why? Was freedom so important? Was living the life that everyone around so important? Was hanging out with friends, being free to do anything you want, drinking booze, hanging late, having company so important? Clearly you forgotten the promises we made. Clearly you given up on me... I don't need your closure anymore... I never asked for much.. I always gave you the freedom to do what you want.. I always told you whenever you're busy or dont wanna talk just tell me... You never did tell me your hearts desire..

I'm still here.... If you ever.. ever want to still be friends...

To my friend, my best friend, my ex gf, my bunny, the reason i started songwriting.. (now im internationally known in Vietnam btw), the reason i'm still alive.. But also the reason why i'm dead..

I'll have moved on and i won't look back... Thank you for everything you did for me, the sacrifice of time and money. The love you gave me... It seems that i'm having closure with myself...

さようならユーニス

Good luck figuring what it says....

Cuts and bruises

I know a lot of people in the world are suffering way more than i am.. But honestly.. There's a whole loads of cuts and bruises on me. Although as much of an optimist i am, the scars are still there. One example...

I was up till erm, now i guess 4.47am to be exact finishing up my assignment which is due a day after that but im leaving for vietnam so i have to pass it up earlier. And then, my mum starts blabbering saying im not focused, how i should study and focus on my stpm and hell, abou me not listening to her and it pains me more that i can't say anything to retaliate..  But she said why don't you don't go to vietnam?

Omg those words actually came out of her mouth!! The trip i've been waiting and yearning for. The long deserved break i needed. Are you fking kidding me? I got mad inside but yet i wasn't allowed to show it.. In the end she got pissed about it and just stipped the conversation. I really hope she doesn't change her mind or else i'd be furious....

This is one of the examples of pains i have... Asides from that i have a heart and feeligs that toy around with me. Not knowing what to feel and what to do. The word love is such a strong word. Do i really love her that much up to the extent despite knowing what has happened im still yearning to be with her? Yes, yes i am. Stupid yeap, idiotic sure, dreamer 100%.

Feelings play with my heart like slash playing an electric guitar. Worst part is that there is this one song called My Queen by Joesph Vincent. No, i dont hate it. I love it. But the lyrics make me wanna do something.... Lets just wait and see if my situation with love ever is settled ei?

Vietnam camp!!!!

Ohmaigawsh!!!! Im going to Vietnam in less than 48 hours!!!!! 

Btw, its the International Red Crescent Society Youth Camp which is held annually in different countries.. So excited!!!!!

Plus i guess its a time where i cn just enjoy myself and clear my head... To just put aside all the things thats troubling my mind... I know i will have to face it when i get back but well.. Like i said, not the right time yeah? Look how excited i am!!

Au revoir!!!

Hard to Resist

Its so hard to resist...
You're right there...
I wanna click on the icon...
And just say hi...

But its not the right time...
I don't wanna do it...
Don't wanna do something stupid..
Wanna make sure its right...

The urge... The wanting...
To hear you again..
To see you again..
To talk to you again..

Its not the right time...
Not the right moment yet..
Just not yet...
Know this.....

Aun te quiero...

Frowns of a Clown

I'm like a seesaw going up and down,
Some time up, sometimes down,
This is what is going inside,
In my heart and in my mind.

Focused on the things i have to do,
There's so much to do,
Studies, packing, songs to sing,
Its amazing i'm doing everything.

Some friends who talk and flips my switch,
They see me turn into the grinch,
Temper ablazed held all inside,
Its a wonder why people say im patient.

Other times I am happy as a lark,
All smiles all the time,
But sometimes those dark clouds come by,
And my smile is gone.

I realised something i didn't before,
That guys name and mine is almost alike,
It hurts to even spell my name,
cause with some extra lead his and mine would be the same.

I miss those times where i can talk,
Where i can smile with your mirroring back,
Am I the only one that is feeling this,
Or are you feeling the same way?

Highly unlikely cause im living in my own world,
World of my own in my fantasy land,
Where unicorns, leprachauns all alike,
And rainbows with pots of gold in sight.

Give up i say to the love that you had,
You'll never ever get that back,
Why do i wait for those words from your lips?
Cause les you say it i wouldn't move an inch.

Songs that are written just for you,
About you, around you and all about you,
Am i crazy or psychotic or just plain sad,
The jokers frown... damn thats bad.

The clown is frowning with no water to squirt,
Red nose deflatted, make up all smirked.
He cleans himself up and puts it back on,
Why? huh... Hope.... Love... All you need is love..

Jam packed schedule!

Its that time again i crap again about my life.. XD life is stressful with a lot of things happening in this term, my final semester. Things on to do list for next month. Btw its my 2nd last post before going to vietnam.. Last time before leaving would be i guess monday or tuesday..

1. Business project ( passing up this mth this monday)

2. International red crescent society youth camp in vietnam ( going this wednesday) 

3. Release my 3rd written song but 2nd song facebook and youtube

4. Plan a song to perform in the camp ( senior officials orders haiz... )

5. Malay language project

6. Ambulance duty during hari raya adilfitri (malay festive holiday)

I've got my schedule all jam packed...

She was right... I needed time for myself.. 

I'll be back next year bunny... Hopefully you'll still be there...

Not even a goodbye

I wasn't even given the chance to say goodbye...

Final Bow

I've been working on this blog post for a long time... How to phrase it, how to say it, how go out with dignity and with my head held high knowing what i did was for the sake of my own life... This will be the last time i will blog about this.. Last time i will talk about the pain, the hurt, the love, the fall... No longer would you need to hear this from me anymore.. Since it was after my MUET test anyway so i thought it'd be an appropriate time

One month ago.. I went through the most painful moment of my life... The knife and bullet went straight through my heart.. The pain that i will never forget... Many things have happened.. Many things have been said.. But in the end.. It still ended the same way.. I fought and i persisted.. I held on and I strived.. But everything that has been done has come to no avail...

For this whole week (more or less) i have not been in contact with her... And i did some thinking, wondering, listening, calling... I was wrong.... No matter how much people said i was not at the wrong i still believed that i was.... I live in the environment whereby i'm always at home due to my family responsibilities.. I never hung out with friends, i never went out at night and grab a cup of coffee.. I was me... This therefore made me become clingy.. Attached.. Hooked.. Hung up. Addicted..

After a whole lot of therapy from many good friends, overseas and locally.. I understood... It either not meant to be, or we're just too young.. I hate to admit that whatever that has happened did happened and there's nothing i can do to fix it.. Last night, my friend said something that hurt me real bad.. 'I'm not the kind of girl that likes guys being so damn bloody clingy,  i hate them' She didn't realise until she said it and the next thing that happened was tears stream down my face once more... But it wasn't because of her... Wasn't because of them... It was because of me... I had to change.. I have a life to live.. I have to continue on with life... 'In order for me to be nice was to be cruel' indeed she was cruel with the way she put it, but i understood...

Yes, I am single. Yes, I have own life to live. Yes, it has happened. Yes, i can never take back the words I say. This is my final bow... My final post about this... The last time i will open my book of memories of pain.. If you are reading this, i hope you do. 

My life moves on, that does not mean my heart would.. It will forever be the same until my worst fears come true.. I will still wait. i still love. but I will stop the calling, stop the texting, stop the messaging, stop the me.. I will live my life, i will go out into the world.

If you ever need me... You got my number... If you ever need me, i'm always here.. If you ever think of me, my memories are with you.. you are not alone.. I'll always be here... (listen to this song) 
Farewell my best friend..

See you next year bunny.

P.S I Still Love You

 Carrot

Always - Bon Jovi

Heartbreak

Yesterday i was a really bad day for me.. A whole load of heartbreak came into my way. I wasn't the one who experienced it.. My friends did. All of them came to my at the same time and it was so hard to please and give decent advices. There were three of them and all three hurt equally as bad..

1st on is a very good close girl friend of mine which made a tough decision. Because of the situation and the factors around, no matter how much she was in love with him, she had to let go.. I can't say much... Because i its their story to tell not mine. But all i cn say it is that it was mighty hard for her, thankfully the other party finally understood the situation and agreed with her that it should not be.. Im proud of her for making a decision and for settling like an adult.

2nd case is my cousins bf. around evening, he texted me asking whether my cousin was around but she was not. But then he started telling me his story of where my cousin has excommuncated with him. She did not reply, did not answer, and from what her friend told him, despised him. He is a nice guy, a great guy and i couldn't understand why this happen. In the end he said that he got to talk to her in the end last night and they made some decisions. Dont know whether they are still together or not. But at least he is fine.

Case #3

Close to midnight a really good friend of mine which has become my accountability partner texted me saying he had to talk to me. But he was too tired and the story was too long to text. Unfortunately i was absent from school today and unable to talk to him. Hopefully i would be able to talk to him tomorrow. I have never heard him this sad before. He even texted asking me why didnt i go to school today, and that he really wanted to tell me something.

Why does everyone come to me? I feel worthless and unable to help anyone one of them. I myself still need help but they still come.. Im powerless to help any of them. For i myself is still emotionally unstable. Im much more stable now after the talk i had on wednesday. But still...

I am just one person. Seeing my friends come to me at their time of need and knowing im not in the state of helping them hurts me a lot. Which leads me to the final sad point of yesterday and today..

His name was Cory Monteith... Many would know him as Finn From Glee. He was found dead in his hotel room in canada and no suspected foul play.. It was sad enough such a great guy died, what was more depressing was that it was rumoured that we was suppose to get married in two weeks time with fiancee and long time lover Lea Michele.. Something so good came to abrupt halt in the most painful way.. There was no way to describe it. Rest In Peace Cory..

There was this post by a uni confession page on fb abt this guy  meeting a girl in a club and had 'Night' together. After that they slept together very often until one day they mistakenly took each others phone. The next day he went to her place to get his phone back. And he saw the girl being scolded by another guy. He tried to act like a hero but then the girl said the guy was her bf. The bf holding the phone was showing a picture of that guy and her in the nude. And as he raised his han to hit her, she smashed the phone on the road.. 

The guy picked his phone up and ten on the confession page ended it by saying 'where cn i get a replacement screen?'

Fk him.. Seriously.. Wth is wrong with this guy? He might have scarred this girl for life!!! And all he thinks about is his blardy phone?!?!?! Must be joking!!! Screw him.. Almost everyone in the world is the same... Damn all of them...

Anyways, i failed in my exams miserably and now i have to retake 3 papers.. God bless my soul.. Thank you for encouraging me. I will work harder get better results i'll focus on my studies for now.

Thank you, bunny

P.S I Still Love You

Carrot

Hurt

Why does this feeling keep coming up?!?! I got my owns self to blame.. Took a trip down memory lane of the 1 year relationship.. I woke up at 8ish in the morning today.. I had this sudden urge to see my photos and videos.. Watching the videos made me feel happy.. The memories.. The laughs.. cheekiness.. It was great.. But shortly after that the hurt came back... I hate this feeling.. Why can't i just remember the happy times without any side effects? :(

Anyways, i found this song by my current favourite band, Florida Georgia Line.. I really like it.. Maybe this would be my next cover..

 Florida Georgia Line - Stay

P.S. I Still Love You

Carrot

Thank You, E

There's nothing much i wanna say for these past few days.. So i guess im just going to say whats in my head now.

Thank you for the talk we had yesterday.. You made me smile again, like whenever i talk to you. It was our first normal conversation.. I was really happy i got to talk to you E.

Thank you giving me whole loads of advice too. About not listening to others. To not change. To just be myself and stick to what i want.. 

Thank you for caring for me eventhough you say you dont really show it, but i know you do. You're the best bud anyone can ever ask for. And im lucky to even know you.

Lastly, thank you for making me realise that im not wrong. For making me believe in myself again. I was almost going to crumble into bits but you were there as usual always at the right time..

I will continue waiting despite what people say and ask of me to move on. My feeling towards you will not change cause i know what i want. I will stop beating myself and saying its my fault because i know thats the last thing you would want me to do. I will try to live my life to the fullest and wait patiently..

Cause you're worth it E.

Cause even after what has happened, i still love you..

Hope time flies faster, hope you life live to the fullest and i hope you will keep that smile on your face always.. :)

I will wait for you E. i will..

P.S I Still Love You

Carrot

Give up J (I won't)

'Why are you still waiting?'

'There are many more fishes in the sea'

'You're pathetic'

'Its never gonna work'

'Wake up idiot, you have no chance'

'Forget about her already'

'She's not the one'

'You deserve someone better'

'You're a sorry excuse of being a guy'

'J, seriously? Wtf is wrong with you?'

'What are you waiting for idiot?'

I look up at all these people and look them in the eye...

'I might be a dreamer, i might unrealistic, i might get hurt in the end, i might not, i am stupid, i am hard headed. There's nothing you can do to change me.. I am who i am. I that is who J is... I made promises that i will keep.. I will wait you fkig bastards'

'You can say this now, but when u meet someone else it will be different!'

'Why do you wait?!?!'

I can say this now because i know my heart will continue loving her...

And it will remain forever loving her

Because.....

I believe.... I trust....

I love E..

My friend, my bestie, my comfort, my former lover, my bunny...

P.S I Still Love You

Carrot

Fuck my life

Everyday....i will always get scolded by mom. My dad would agree.. My sisters would fuck me up cause i didnt do the laundry for one day... Younger siblings mess with my fucking head.

But the worst one is my mum... Years i have been living like a fucking puppet obeying every word,  every command.. As i grew up, i decided i didnt want to.. But hell no... My mum has to pull shit stuff on me.. This time its about my phone..

I got a new phone 2 months ago..i really do like it i honestly do. But i cant give up my old phone... And my old number.. There is too much memories that comes with it.. Too many messages i cherish... Too many pictures i do not have the heart to get rid.. My one year of happiness revolved around this one number, one device which helped achieve happiness.

She wants me to give it away.. Along with all the memories i keep.. The messages.. Knowing that if i gave it away i would have to reformat it for my brother to use.. So now i have to fucking back all of it up into my hard drive... Worst shit is that the iphone does not support the private box in my GoSMS pro.. Which means i will never read those messages ever again...

No one knows except me.. The secrets i keep.. No but me knows how i keep my sanity.. No one but me knows how i stay positive.. No one knows how im always smiling... Let me tell you this then.. Every fucking miserable night, i would read a message or stare at a picture.... Get away from all the fucking shits in my life... And be myself... Crying myself to sleep.. Having everyone point at me for the faults.. 

No one cares for the skinny scrawny asian... No one cares what the asshole asian thinks or wants... no one gives a shit about how the fucking asian tall freak feels...Used...then thrown away...

Fuck life... I wanna leave life...

Niggling injury

Remember the last post i was talking about volleyball and my injured hand? Well its almost recovered thank god!!! 

There's another problem though.. Many dont know this but a few that many years ago i twisted my ankle really badly and wasn't able to walk properly for 6 months. Well i was in camp and i felt a niggling pain on the back of my knee cap, hamstring and ankle.. 

The fear of this niggling injury returning is scary and to top it off, i have a volley tourney tomorrow playing two games. I just hope that my left leg is alright.. But the fact i am hiding from both friends and family is because no one really bothers about me... I find no reason to tell anyone what happened to me cause no one bothers to listen to me.

Couple nights ago i was so excited for the fact that i was gonna compete in a sports tourney after so long! But when i tried to explain an tell my family about it, they totally ignored me... They have ignored me in everything i say but when they say something i am forced to listen.

Even when its an injury... I tried telling them about my hands and i even showed them! And they totally ignored me and preferred focusing on talking to my sister about a trip she wasn't even going to go! And then after that they scold me for not telling them! 

No one cares what i say.. No one gives shit... One day imma get fking tired of this and keep everything to myself...

Pray my injury doesn't get any more worse than it is today.

No one cares...

P.S I Still Love You

Carrot

Camp Day 1

For the past 3 days from friday to sunday, i've went to a school camping trip to a beautiful place called Taman Negara or in english it the National Park of Malaysia. Its supposingly acclaimed as the oldest rainforest in the world as well as has the longest canopy walk of 50 metres!!! Well the journey there was vigorous and long cause this place is located in Jeratun, Pahang. Took us 6 hours to get there!!

Anywho.. I didnt manage to take a picture of the campsite where we pitched our tents but just imagine like 22 tents pitched up. The tents can accomodate as many as 5 people at most. Yeah.. Something like that. Nothing much to shout about the campsite so yeah. I'll slowly update it cause its just too long if i wanted to update everything in one post. So here are some pics of me and my friends on the way there in the bus!!! 

           Happy little camper i am!!

         Omar the 'gay bastard' and me

Faiz and me sittig outside the tent (thats as much if the tent as you will see xD)

           After setting up the tent

          (Gosh my hair looks terrible)

Will

There's a will there's a way they say.. But too many that is not necessarily the case.. Many give up even before the battle started, some wave the whit flag before it was declared, some gets hit my a sudden strike and kills the will to fight instantly..

I've gone through all and all only has one conclusion.. Death.. The will to fight for a love that once was is strong, but with reality so strong it is hard to go on. But i will persist.. Not because im hard headed, not because im not facing reality. Only because i believe in what i am doing and because i love.. There's no two ways about it.

For those who feel that they have no purpose, for those who feel they are useless,for those who think they will never be loved, for those who feel that they have nothing, for those who chases dreams but give up in the end, for those who feels ungrateful, for those who are hurt, and for those who feel like that they fell too deep and have no hope.

Don't give up...

Don't give in...

Fight for what you want..

And dream for a happy end.

Thats what im gonna do,

And i'll never stop doing and trying. :)

P.S. I Still Love You

Carrot

Prayers in the night

Every night.. I kneel down and pray. Praying for a better tomorrow. Praying for the life that is given. Pray for my family members as much as i despise how it is at home. Praying for my friends who never fails to make me curse. Pray for my church friends who always back me up, prayfor my school friends who nvr fails to make me swear and burst out laughing. Prays for the girl i love the most, though not mine anymore but hopefully in the near future that always puts a smile on my face with just the fact that she replies, cares or likes my pictures and statuses.

Back of my head, a still small voice... Time to sleep jarrett. Eyes get heavy.. Heart slowly beating.. Imagination takes over.. All i see is her.. 'Tonight will be a good night'

Going to camp till sunday people! If there's wifi i'll keep blogging :)

P.S I Still Love You

Carrot

I'll Wait For You - Jarrett Wong (with lyrics)

HEYA GUYS!!! Like i promised i would upload my video right?? well i did!! And lucky for people who read my blog, i'll be posting up the lyrics too!!! (forgive the bad singing, inconsistent strumming and my face) ><''''

I started writing this song about 14-17 June this year. What i usually do is write how i feel... Write on whats in my heart and mind. And honestly, this song is gonna be stuck in my head for a long long time.. I wrote this song for a special someone and for those who are heartbroken but insist on waiting for Mr/Mrs Right, Eventhough you have the smallest chance of getting them back, even if you know whether they don't have feelings for you or not... You'll still wait for them. Cause no one else in the world could replace them in your life.

Honestly, i love her this girl for years but never really appreciated her always being there.. And though it wasn't anyone's fault that it ended... I still do love her.. I don't know if she still loves me... So this song is as a reminder to her that i will always be waiting for her...

I'll Wait For You - Jarrett Wong

Days, Months,Years, Sitting here waiting for you,

Time and space, All i want is me to hear,

That one day not so far away,

You would call me up tonight,

Saying baby please just stay...

Why, why did you have to go?

Why, why did you leave me so?

I will wait, i will wait, 

I'll be waiting here for you,

Doesn't even matter how long it takes,

I'll wait for you

Laugh, sing, fun, memories circling in my mind,

And your hugs, smiles and kiss,

Can't forget that you were mine,

Hope that one day not so far away,

You would call me up tonight,

Saying baby please just stay...

Why, why did you have to go?

Why, why did you leave me so?

I will wait, i will wait, 

I'll be waiting here for you,

Doesn't even matter how long it takes,

I'll wait for you

Was it you? Was it me? Was it something in between?

How could this be? That you'd leave,

I am so in love with you.

I promise to love you, for the rest of my life,

Thats why i promise i will wait for my time!!!

P.S I Still Love You

Carrot

Favourite colour is red.. :)

Disallowed

My hands were pretty bruised up badly from volleyball, but now its turning purplish and dark.... Parents and sister said its the colour of someones hand that needs to be amputated...

Its starting to get numb and i can't really feel my fingers.. Mum might want to pull me out of the team.. T.T..

This sucks... Not only i practiced my heart out and had fun, i injured myself so badly i might not even get the chance to play ;(....

P.S. I Love You

Volleyball (good kind of pain)

Recently, which means yesterday hahaha i underwent my first volleyball training. My competition is on monday so yeah xD. Really last min preparation. But there was  one thing the teachers or my team mates knew. The last time i played was when i was 12 ><

Anywho. After bumping and digging the ball for awhile and getting te hang of it, i started spiking again. The pain was excruciating but yet i enjoyed the pain.. It was good to finally feel physical pain asides from my usual emotional pain. And you can say its a better substitute for it cause physical pain heals easily , emotional last for a lifetime.

After playing for 2 hours non stop, i felt a pull on my elbow joint and i knew i had to stop. Assessing the damaged i pulled my muscle and it was bad... But thereafter resting for a couple minutes i got back on  the court, serving with my right hand instead. Oh how wrong i was to do so.. ><

Going home, naturally hands were red as hell with spots in them so i thought it was nothing cause i gotten them before. But after bathing and washing the dirt off my hands, they turned even more red and my left hand skin was peeling.. Shyt... Mom took a look at it and said i bruised my hands really badly. And that if i continued i would burst a vein.. Stating that my method of hitting was wrong.

But in the end she still let me participate, im having a friendly match with the under-15 team tmw. Hope that we dont get creamed ><

P.S I Still Love You

Carrot

Happiness.. I'll Be Here

Happiness... Its a very subjective thing.... It comes in all sorts of different ways. Getting new things, shopping, hanging out with friends, having a new pet puppy or dog, love.

As you can read my blog has basically revolved around my love life.. No joke it really has.. But that is what that keeps me writing... The strength that i need. The water to quench my thirst.. I really have fallen for someone.. Really hard and really deep. There's no way to go around it.. What i keep wondering though is how much longer will this go on? I really care.. I've been having stars circling my head for the past few weeks.. Almost giving up, almost contemplating rejection, almost crawling back into the wet, dark, lonely hole that i once came from. But why do i keep persevering? Why have so many fallen and left while i continue to fight on and try to reach her? All i can say is that i love her... i love her a lot.. Even the songs i've been writing are about her.. ( Note : My first song will be released by this Thursday) 

How can someone love another so much that all they can think about is her? Don't get me wrong.. I'm not a zombie.. I have my own life to live.. I have tons of shyt thats happening this month.. Plus i have studying, guitar, blah blah blah u get the point. But there's always a still small voice whenever i'm alone. Whenever i'm about to sleep.. *call her carrot* but i would keep refusing and telling myself its not the right time... Oh how i yearn to call her up and tell her i will take care of her. That i will make her happy. That i will do everything in my power to make sure she'd be the happiest person alive.. But i can't.. I can't do it.. Once a long time ago, she let me in... But now, i can't seem to find the key to the door...

How long will she continue locking herself in the tower up there? How long must i wait till she tells me where it's hidden.. It isn't a fairytale where the prince in shining armor and majestic white horse saves the fair maiden from the darkness and dragon that guards her. Its a story of a girl that locks herself up in a apartment block and refuses to let anyone in.. Not family, not friends, not secret lovers, not even her best friend. What am i in the story? I'm the guy that she once let in.. But the door closed between us... And now i'm the guy who's throwing stones at her window, pasting sticky notes on her door, slips a little happiness and retarded faces under her door.

The one who grabs his guitar and write songs dedicated only to her. The one who tries to reach into her heart again but constantly shushed whenever i try. ( regret teaching her how to shush me ><'') The one that will never leave her.. The one that will keep trying to bring her happiness. The one who if given the chance again, will love her for the rest of my life.. And keep that promise that i made when i cried on the phone with her.

Thats my definition of happiness guys.. The aspect where i do my best to make everyone happy around me.. Especially her... Take care Bunny...

P.S. Te Queiro Mi Amour

Carrot

In The Back Of My Head

I thought everything was going good. 

Everything was going great.

I never felt as happy as that before.. 

This ended a month ago..

A love i lost... A love i wanted.

A love i took for granted.

Will she ever want me back?

After all the shit i have put her through.

All the pressure i have given to her

The stress i placed on her to make a decision.

The pain i cause when i made her decide.

The annoyance when i couldnt accept it.

Is her heart with another?

Is her heart still with me?

How can i go on knowing all i want is her.

I put a smile on my face, i keep walking, i keep trying to make the world smile. To make her smile as well.

But i know deep in my heart,

There will always be a longing for her.

The feelings that will never leave..

The warmth of her hands.

The comfort of her hugs.

The soothing sound of her voice.

The snapping personality i come to love.

The love that sends jolts through me.

The lips that taste like the sweetest cherries.

Does she still love me?

Does she still care? 

Is it me she's writing about?

Or am i a forgotten past?

Am i just a forgotten relationship?

Moments of weakness i feel inside.

Springs up every once or twice.

I can't control it..

Even if she tells me she loves me even once..

I will be happy...

All im left with now is the thoughts amd memories of her..

If she calls me back, i will answer..

If she wants me back i will come..

If she wants my love, she will be loved..

Should i call her? Should i not?

Haiz.. Only tomorrow will tell me..

P.S I Still Love You Very Much

Carrot

Songwriting

Heys........

Well i finally gotten the courage to go and record one of my songs i written and gonna put it up on youtube and facebook!!

Actually i started writing songs ever sice i was 13, but i never bother writig the tune nor lyrics down... >< so it never..was..and actual song. BUT!!! Last year i finally finished my first song and i wrote another one this year in te beginning of the year! Those will be released in a later time.. XD. My third composition will be posted up in a couple weeks time. So i'll notify on the blog once i do.

Honestly i wanna thank everyone that has supported my songwriting. Well thats like erm... 4? Hahaha!! But anywho, who cares! 

Bon voyage people!!

P.S I Still Love You

Boredom, test, camp, competition

For the whole freaking miserable day from morning till now im still at the immigration dept.. And most probably gonna continue staying here till 8pm.. Gosh.. 

Anywho.. My speaking test for muet is tomorrow. For those who dont know, its basically IELTS/TOEFL except its malaysian level. I have no fear of failing because its nearly jmpossible to fail it >< the problem is ny teachers expectation of achieving the highest grade of band 6 which only out of the 100,000s of students in malaysia only 100 and less gets. Not only that im still not mentally prepared for it.. My mind is still all over the place. The determination for studies come and go like the rain in this city ><

These past cpl days have okay so far, nothing bad happened yet. Going to camp from the 5-7 july. Well most probably i guess. Then after that i'll be competing in an inter form 6 games with other school participants. Still unsure wheter to go for volleyball or futsal. Im ok for both but i guess im just going to enjoy myself :) get a cpl of broken bones, sprains and aches to ease my emotional pain. Hahaha. Im kidding ;). 

Well god bless to everyone and god bless bunnies.

P.S I Still Love You

Carrot

Meet Bunny Stinson

Meet bunny stinson.. He is the reason why i can sleep at night.. The reason why my tears stopped dropping.. Because when whenever it drops, he is there to catch it...

Yeah yeah he might be dating my stuff bear taffi, >< but he is the reason why i am still able to go to bed, close my eyes and drift away.. Thanks for being there bud. Mighty appreciated ;)

(yes i still sleep with my stuff animals)

P.S. I Still Love You

Muet test... ****

4 words to explain what i am feeling and whats going on in my life now.

1. Under appreciated

2. F**king Hell

Too much pressure.. Mentally not strong enough to face it.. 3 days left.. Monday hope im good and ready...

Ghost of my past (she who should not be named)

'Hey mr, may i take your order?'

'Yea, i would like a regular popcorn combo 1 please.'

'Hold on just a sec, be right back'

As i waited for my order to be served, with money ready in my hands. A familiar voice ringed in my ear.... Sense of curiosity and fear strike... Turning my head to the right, seeing a figurine that was horrifyingly similar.. Blood rushed through my veins as my heart pumps faster by the second..

A couple was at the next counter, male unfamiliar but the female made my heart stopped. Time seemed to slow down.. Memories flooded my head, the pain.. The agony.. The torture... The cheat...

Everything went blur... Sweat rolled from my forehead to my chin, dropping onto the counter.. Feet started trembling.. Mind started fading.. Her face became clearer and clearer.. The face i once knew bt nw scars my mind like a dagger that cut through my flesh... The face i hated.. The face that cheated..

Feet glued to the ground.. Heart beating faster by the minute.. Part of me wanted to get the fuck out of there, part of me wanted to shove my fist into the back of her skull... The girl i once thought would never lie and never cheat, had been doing it from the start...

.....

.....

.....

Time stopped.... Electricity of pain seared through my whole being... Flames of crimson burn on every inch of my skin...slowly i felt like i was being sucjed into a black hole of no return.

'Here you go, that'll be 9.90'

'Oh. Sorry... Here you go'

It wasn't her... Amazingly similar.. But it wasn't her... 

'Thank you and have a nice day'

'You too' smiles :)

Date : 27/6/2013 9.55pm

Fuck life.. Seriously... Fuck it

P.S. I still love you.

Carrot

Im not worth it

Spanning from 2007... Been in and out of relationships. Every one of them turned sour.. But i realised on thing that always happens.. They always found someone else.. Question to myself, am i really such a bad person? Am i really not worth it?

They always said that its not me, its them. Its not me, its the timing, its not me , its the distance. But if i was really worth it, wouldn't they brave through all that? Am i that miserable of a person? That i can't be on the receiving end of affection?

Time, distance, age... Bottom  line : i am not worth it. I am not worth the fight. One by one they move on so quickly. A week, 2 weeks, 3 weeks. While i am over here barely alive, putting on a plastic smile and walking a dead mans walk.

Someone just shoot me already would ya? Its better off if i was dead. That way, everyone's better off in a happier place.

This year... I refuse to let go. I refuse to leave. I refuse to be given excuses... Im tired of hearing them. This year and many more down the road, i'll holding on to the hope... That i one day i can get rid of the distance factor. That i can beat realism. That can beat the odds. That there is such thing as love. Even if it means loving you from afar.

My life moves on, my life continues. I continue to age, i continue going on. But my heart remains the same. And it will continue remaining the same. Battle is lost, time to regroup and win the war. Might've lost hope, reality might've caught up. But i'll will still strive to have my ever after.

P.S. I still love you

Comfessions of a heart broken bunny

Why its called untitled because i really dont knw what to call it. Wondering how everything could go wrong when everything was so right. Can't change the past, but i can change the future. 

I know its not there anymore. The connection that we used to have. On my side i keep telling myself to forget about it anymd move on. But the problem is i can't. I thank you for telling me, after all this while your little secret.

I didn't feel anything when you told me, i felt no sorrow, felt no pain, felt no agony, felt nothing. The only thought that was in my head was the thought is whether were you okay... I might be a distraught and unstable former lover but in still the same friend that cares.. Please don't kep everything in...

The feelings you had for me before is gone, there's nothing i can do about that. All i know is that i will be here waiting when you decide to come back. I'll try again next year, and the year after, i'll keep trying until hopefully one day. We can share what we shared before. It is not a war that we have lost, but its a stumbling block i believe.

The story about your friend that brike up moved away to start a new life but still came back to the same guy is still stuck in my head. I dont know if it'll happen or not. But i'll be working to that i guess..

You want me to be selfish. So i shall. There's no one i want more to be by my side asides from you. And it will cotinue to be that way until the day you get married. Maybe im disarrayed, maybe i'm psychotic. I may not be able to love you like those guys... But i do still have genuine feelings for you. If you ever want to, i'll be here waiting.. 

Till then, take care of yourself... You'll always be known to me as the bunny hopping in the meadow. Its in my song, hahaha will never forget that. Have a nice life.

P.S. I still love you

Back Into The Hole

Its dark..... There's no life... There's no feelings...There's no wind... There's no sunshine... 

Its cold..... Its pitiful.... It's emo. It's sadness.. Its lonliness...

Slowly crawling back into the sad hole in the ground from whence i came from...

Wake me up when the sun ever shines again..

The Wait

Today will be the starting of my very own adventure. It hurts to continue on but i must. I can't just stand idle here waiting for that day to come. No matter what i do i cannot change the fact this is happening. Was there something i did wrong? Was it the distance? Was it her? Most probably is neither of them. I guess we just needed the break i guess. Even on my side, there's multiple events and important things to be done this half end of the year.

I will miss the times i put a show, sing out of tune, wear atrociously and making hideous faces just to see that beautiful smile on her face. See her face that brightens up my day and night. The excitement of electricity that jolts through my veins whenever i see her reply my messages. The feeling of comfort even though we're 10,000 miles away. The comfort and warmth of her voice when i talk to her on the phone. The spunk, sarcasm and perkiness she puts into our conversations. I managed to derive many things from this.. Many flaws that i have that i still have to work on.

I can't be sure whether or not she will find someone else during the break, i don't know.. I'm still waiting for that something she's will think of later.. The one thing im afraid i guess from this break would be that she might find someone else.. The imagery's in my head of someone else but not me beside her. Never to feel that warmth, that smile, that hug, that kiss, that love again. But i trust her.. I trust that for the fact not because she's one of the best friend's I've ever had but for the fact I've been trusting her for years and for the fact i love her. My feelings are genuine, and they are real. I don't think i can fall for anyone else like i have fallen for her. And if she is the last person i fall for, i have no regrets.

When i see her and think of her now, i realized how much of myself i see in her.. The smile, the laugh, the determination, the strength, the clown in her, the sense of trust, and the open mindness that i have. Likewise, i see much of myself change as well. The care, the kind heartedness, the capability to handle workloads and stress as well as the continuation of pushing myself to strive for the best no matter how dumb i am.

If she ever doubts that i will never return for her, if she ever doubts that i will already with someone else, if she ever doubts that i will move on, if she ever doubts that i will forget her... I will wait, i will return, i will stay, and i will continue waiting for years till i'm capable to provide if i have to, to be with her. There's a plan in my head of what imma do, imma stick to it. :)

I'll be holding on the her words, i'll be holding on to that hope, i will be holding on to her. When the time is right.... I'll be holding on the the words you wrote on  your blog and the message you sent to me..

DO NOT THROW LAFFI AWAY. ehheheheh XD

Guess i'll  be here whenever you need me. :) Hope to hear from you soon............

P.s. I Love You & My Bunny Roars

Signed,
Carrot

Prolonged indefinite break

I think im gonna go on a indefinite break. Does that read my blog well, im going to take a break to find myself again. Cant keep emoing like this anymore..

Toodles peps

Over But Not The End

After days of confusion, of pain, of tears, of sleepless nights, of torture....
The burden is finally lifted of my shoulders.. It was the painful but yet eased feeling.
Feelings i have for you shall never die.
Was it because it was a wrong move? Wrong timing? Distance of 10,000 miles?
I don't know.. But i will continue loving you.. Till the day you say enough...
I know its hard, its painful to accept.. But i will always be there for you...
Always...

And you might think i would eventually forget, honestly speaking i dont think i can ever forget my feelings for you.

I love you, i'll be back next year.

Carrots and bunnies

Put a Smile On Your Face ( Optimistic)

Well, this past couple days i have been what i regard myself as the most emo-est kid in the world... I didn't know what to do. I had this pain in my heart that i couldn't control.. To make matters worst, it hurts unexpectedly and i don't know how to control it. Yesterday when i came home from school, the first thing i did was showered, ate then jump to bed to cry my eyes out. I was pretty pathetic and a real pussy you can say.

Today in school i was the same, it started in the morning driving to school and the first song that played Pink ft Nate Reuss - Just Give Me A Reason.... Great way to start the day huh? ... ><'''' so my whole day in school was terrible, i was a complete mess and my friends as much they tried to console my soul though i told them nothing of what has happened nor why i felt this way. But on the way home, as the radio was blaring a Justin Bieber song.. (Great another sober song) i thought to myself, way am i doing this to myself? I tell people all the time but i have never practiced it.. Behind every dark cloud there's a beautiful rainbow. As much as i yearn that rainbow would be the same rainbow i come to know and love.. I have to keep pushing forward and be optimistic.

I have to have faith, and believe, and trust, that my rainbow would come back to me.. Though in my heart i know thats the only rainbow i want, i must continue pushing on.. A friend of mind told me this.. 'Jarrett, there's nothing much you can do but tank through this period of time'. Honestly, even when playing Dota or LoL, i am definitely not a tanker... I need support to back me up, to push through the lanes. Thank god i have one or two friends willing to support me through my time of need. Though they don't know what going on, nor do they know why im acting like this.. But i believe,trust, and hope that my bunny will return back to me.. And this time, i would be different. I don't want this to happen again.. I want to make sure this time, i do change for the better. So this pain will never happen again.

So i decided that like 2 hours ago ont he way home, i will be stronger.. I will be persistent, i will be my happy go lucky self and have a break of my own and prioritize my life so when she returns, i will be ready. I made a promise 6 years ago to always try my best to put a smile on her face, no matter how i felt and how shitty i was. I failed to do so many times and i have failed to do it for this week. I'm not going to bother her and expect her to reply nor call.. I will just do my best to make her laugh or smile.. Cause thats what i want to do since the beginning.. I hope one day after the break, she would come back.. Cause i will always be waiting for her to return no matter how long it takes as long as she wants to, i'll be here... 3< BANZAI!!!

You might think im being a douche, living in denial or whatever.. But i know what i want to do. If it works or not i don't know. If she comes back or goes with another i still don't know. All i know is i love her and i will love her always... Always.. (She likes the colour red)

EEEEEEEeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!! :DDDDDD

CUTE AIN'T HE? SMILEYS

Even the bulldog is smiling c'mon!

Carrots and Bunnies

Fingers crossed people!!!! 

Day one (no text, call)

I decided to stop texting or calling till well, till shes ready to text or call i guess,

To communicate with her, is the happiest moments of my days, right now, even the smallest hinch of knowing she'd reply or call me excites me.

I honour my promises and i guess i can start here.

Right now, life's a bitch to me. Loads of work, assignments, camps, so on so forth is coming my way. 

The shittiest part of my life now, is the inability to control my crying... Day, night, midnight, there was no way i could control it..

Day one - tears and pain

Crying

Every night im crying myself to sleep,

I cannot bear to hold it in,

Tears that burn red like crimson fire,

Roll down my cheeks tonight..

Memories that flood my mind,

The feelings i had inside,

Holding on never letting go,

I love you so, i love you so.

Only Heaven Knows

You can say this song has been and is my theme song for the past few days and months to come... It really relates to my situation now and everyone time i hear this song, it really makes me cry. I know im stupid for listening to songs that can effect my emotions but i don't know where else to drown my sorrows in.. Its a lonely road for me right now. And hopefully there's a happy ending for me in the end.

So without further adieu, ladies and gentleman, Rick Price,

Heaven Knows - Rick Price

Maybe my love will come back someday, Only heaven knows.....

Whats in my heart

In my heart, many things wander,

So many things lurk in the darkness,

Yet so many out in the light,

Wondering what i would do in life.

Path i have planned is already there,

Needing only to follow it and finish,

All i need is 1/2 year in highschool,

3 years in university for a degree.

Its so close yet so far,

I wish time moved faster so it'd be done,

To go to university so i have no worries,

So that i can walk with you freely.

When will you come back?,

When will you return?,

When can i hold you close again?,

When will i see you again?

I promise to be good,

I promise i won't disappoint,

I  promise not cling on you,

Like a koala to a tree.

It took some time but now i understand,

I know what i should do now,

Give me a 2nd chance to show it,

Give me a 2nd chance to change it.

My life is my life and your life is yours,

I will govern my life and make it my own,

I want you not to be my life but walk with me,

Would you let me?

Carrots and bunnies in a meadow

Endless Love

This song has always been a favourite to me i guess. Ever since i heard the song while watching the movie "The Myth". this song has always played in my heart and head whenever i think about a certain thing. So yeah, not only is the singing beautiful, the movie pleasantly touching and the melody of the song catchy; the lyrics of the song really touched my heart and until now it has become the theme song of my defintion of love. So enjoy. :) cause it definitely moves my heart and brings me to tears whenever thoughts and memories of Her play in my head eventhough our memories are little, it will play forever. And for those who wants to know what it means, here it is :)

THE MYTH - Endless Love

http://lyricstranslate.com

(Jackie Chan)
Undo the most mysterious wait of mine
The stars are falling, wind is blowing
Finally, once again you are in the embrace of my arms
Our two hearts tremble
Believe in my unwavering sincerity
A thousand years of wait, you have my promise
No matter how much winter has passed
I will never let you go

(Kim Hee-Seon)
Now tightly hold my hands, and close your eyes
Please think about the times when we were deeply in love
We loved each other too much
That is why we have been in such pain
We cannot even say the words "I love you" to each other

(Jackie)
Every night is pierced through by heartbreaks
There is no end to my longing
I've gotten used to lonely meetings
I face it with a smile
Believe me, you chose to wait
No matter how tough it is, there is no hiding
Only your gentleness can save me from
The eternal coldness

(Kim Hee-Seon)
Now tightly hold my hands, and close your eyes
Please think about the times when we were deeply in love
We loved each other too much
That is why we have been in such pain
We cannot even say the words "I love you" to each other

(Jackie & Kim Hee-Seon)
Let love become for us
Flowers that bloom forever
Pass through the time warp without yielding nor without giving up our dreams

(Kim Hee-Seon)
We loved each other too much
That is why we have been in such pain
We cannot even say the words "I love you" to each other

(Jackie & Kim Hee-Seon)
Let love become for us
Flowers that bloom forever

(Kim Hee-Seon)
Together we travel through the endless space and time

(Jackie & Kim Hee-Seon)
Only true love will follow us
Pass through endless time space

(Kim Hee-Seon)
We cannot even say the words "I love you" to each other

(Jackie)
Love is the only beautiful legend that never changes in our hearts